Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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