I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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