1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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