I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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