sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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