I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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