i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
