Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
