It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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