I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
