It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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