I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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