my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
