omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
