Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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