Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
