I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
