Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.