apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!