so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.