Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.