dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.