I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.