There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i barfeds in our rink
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
