apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
