Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
