I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
