I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
