i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
