Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
