Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
