I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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