We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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