So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize