Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
