They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
