She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
