TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
