can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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