You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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