so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
