I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dick has a subreddit
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
