i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dignity is for republicans.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
