'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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