cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
