lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish my penis had an off switch
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
