grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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