im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
