Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
