Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
