Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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