Just cropdusted the office
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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