Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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