I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
