he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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