I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We left the knife in your bed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
