I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
