a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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