There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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